Does Your Tail Even Know it Has a Dog?

Let’s call them Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum, shall we? These client counterparts are working “together” on a rather big project, one that has yours truly smack dab in the middle as what now seems less like the writer and more like the scapegoat and the blame when their seriously overdue project attracts wrath from the higher-ups.

Frumpie could cry. Once again she’s faced with the obvious fact that these two don’t really talk to each other beyond lunchroom banter. They couldn’t. Why else would Tweedle-Dum be once again requesting a restructuring of their project when Frumpie just completed said restructuring with Tweedle-Dee? Frumpie, who is currently working on a number of other client projects from people who are actually organized and not just throwing darts at their objectives, cannot understand why so much money, and so much of Frumpie’s time, is being poured on a project that is at this very moment obsolete. Frumpie cannot reveal the nature of the project, which would give you a “WTF?” moment and a hearty laugh, but let’s liken it to applying a tourniquet to stop the bleeding on a dead man’s leg. Perhaps they resemble much more the PushMe/PullYou.

Now the dynamic duo wants to bleed this corpse dry just a little more. Yes, we are charging per hour. No, they have not seen the total bill. When they do, they will be reminded of the timely manner in which they received said project and the multiple hundreds of pages that required editing. There is no room for negotiation after the fact.

In the future, we will change our e-mail settings to read next year’s help request as spam. Frumpie’s head may never recover from the thumping-against-the-keyboard motion she’s been prone to of late.

And I Bet You Spell It “Speshul” Don’t You?

Dearies, we are fortunate that we have come to a point in our careers where the clients contact us because we have pleased others. Referrals are lovely! However, in gaining one more referral I wonder if I have somehow upset the referer, for the client-not-to-be is nuts. I apologize in advance for offending anyone who truly is nuts, for this man’s level of oddness is sub-basement.

We are used to clients who have multiple projects and need help finding a first step. We are not, however, used to or even pleased with clients who want EVERYTHING and feel compelled to regale us with odd jokes, strange videos, and links to bizarre sites that ramble with no point whatsoever. Oh, if only these things were remotely related to the job Frumpie is being asked to do! Alas, none are. No, these are being sent by said client for…. well dearies, I really don’t know why they’re being sent. But I looked through the website and thought the dear soul wanted a rewrite. No, he was quite proud of that site! I viewed the video. Again, no. That’s not our project, either. The jokes were not off-color, thank heaven, but they were certainly weird and not funny.

We shall meet with client since we have already arranged the public meeting in advance of the odd stuff. We hope the dear soul has had merely a temporary lapse in judgment by sharing such peculiar items, thus revealing what I expect is his true nature. But we won’t be taking his work unless he’s willing to pay at least double our current rate, for we do not babysit nor do we teach charm school lessons to grown ups who should know better. Those come with our very special fee.

If he laughs at his own jokes, we will keep track and add $10 per occurrence. It is how this Frump eliminates the madness from her life. God bless the weird people, but don’t force me to work with them.