Perhaps the Enemy is You

Just received a note back from a client – he’s fussing that he wasted his money on Frumpie’s services. He hasn’t seen results! It’s been a whopping 30 days and he’s had no hits on his marketing piece.

The fact that he’s not given it enough time notwithstanding, let’s look at what could have gone wrong. First, he sent me sound bites of information: mere snippets of things he’d like to see on his marketing piece. I questioned him. He gave me little more. I pressed on, expecting this would be one of many rewrites.

Oh, when Frumpie’s right, she’s right. He came back incensed. Why didn’t I mention X services? Y services? Why didn’t I sell more his other side of the business, the one he really wanted to promote? Frumpie had to point out to the delusional soul that we talked about A, B, and C. X and Y never entered into conversation, nor did he have a web presence that would have allowed yours truly to seek out extra information.

He also expected the packaging to be, well let’s just say it, gawdy. Frumpie told him that less was more on a mailer. He demanded Frumpie add certain shall we say advertisements to the envelope. In the end, we had little room for the outgoing address label. Frumpie asked client to reconsider. He said he knew more about marketing than Frumpie did. It went out, and probably right into the trash once the potential customers received it.

I have to add here that while his information on his services would not have put people off necessarily (except for that which was plastered on the envelope), some of the information he included in his sales letter would have. He wanted Frumpie to reference a particular celebrity this man had spoken with. Mind you this celebrity was not endorsing his product, but the client thought that mentioning what this celebrity had said to him (a related quote) would raise his status among his potential customers. Let’s not even talk about the ethics of such a move (if the celebrity ever catches wind of his name being used alongside a product, I don’t want to be around). I strongly advised against such nonsense, citing possible lawsuit and that his reputation (not mine, for my contracts are airtight against client stupidity, and I have the emails to prove he was told otherwise) would be on the line.

Let’s also mention that this client wanted the world to know that he was a golf champion at the local course, and had broken some long-standing, totally irrelevant record. Mind you, this client does not sell anything remotely related to golf.

Frumpie gave him scads of caveats, such as he should never pat himself on the back when he’s asking for business. He disagreed. Strongly. Now was his time to brag, he said! But about your golf score?

Now, as expected, the client is back demanding a free rewrite. Frumpie pointed out to him that his rewrite is not forthcoming, given that he discarded all of my advice. He was told that my services come with market experience and advice and the moment he ignores it against my strong objections, he has breached the contract. We cannot, will not, sit by and watch him shoot himself in the foot repeatedly.