Return of the Bottom Feeders

Oh dearies, you shall love this one. Frumpie received a lovely little email from a man who had a lovely little website. He was offering it as a place to meet people in the publishing world. Frumpie ignored said email, for scams have their own stench that is easy to pick up on with practice.

Lo and behold, yesterday’s email was a follow-up to the first one the man sent. He repeated his offer to let Frumpie participate in his web venture, and he even offered to make her a contributor! Wee and joy to all!

Frumpie responded instantly, so excited to get yet another wonderful offer of employment. How much, dear sir, are you offering Frumpie to be this contributor? For Frumpie has plenty to say and could educate the masses if given the chance.

Well dearies, much to no one’s surprise, the response from the man with the lovely little website: “It is not our policy to pay our contributors.” Oh, and he added that his offer “extends your platform and ours.” Why, I had no idea I needed a platform, what with all this big old Internet at everyone’s fingertips! Gosh, what a lovely, clueless soul he is.

 Frumpie believes she shan’t hear from him after her “It is not my policy to work for free” response. Gosh, I must be so silly to pass up such a deliciously bad offer. Since it is the fifth one this month, I suppose I should be flattered. Perhaps that’s a better response – “But if you found me, why on earth would I need your platform?”

Frump off, dork.

Final Tally – Two Weeks!

Yes sugarpies, it took the big conglomerate of a client two weeks to notice ol’ Frumpie’s absence. As expected, Frumpie received zero communication – no inquiry, no “you’re fired”, no “did you die?” – nada. Then again, this was the same big conglomerate that allowed me to find out about my demotion in pay through an “opt in” contract on the control panel of the online content generator app. I do so love feeling valued, don’t you?

 We were tickled when we went searching the conglomerate’s personal forum to see where this change was mentioned. What we found was the company mentioning changes in Google Ad revenue that would require them to “staunchly defend” their company’s bottom line that was apparently hampered by this change. What did that mean exactly? No one really knew until those mandatory opt-ins appeared. Seems that ol’ faceless group of rich people figured we underlings wouldn’t mind taking it on the chin so they could continue receiving the same amount of money in their pockets each month.

 To the big conglomerate that wants to “staunchly defend” its existence at the expense of those who helped them become such a big conglomerate , I exercise my middle-finger rights and shall wave my response in your direction. Take that, putzes!

Perhaps He Just Wants Me to Fail

Frump here has begun to believe that the lack of communication on the part of the client with the BOP is intentional. See, there’s a part in the contract that states that any work deemed unacceptable would be subject to a reduction in payment of some sort. That ol’ client must be sitting back feeling pretty dern smart right now.

However, he failed to understand the importance of a paper trail. This Frump, having been on the receiving end of one too many client rearendings, has created a process by which she leaves paper evidence of her activities as thick as mile markers. She has sent emails. Follow-up emails. More emails. More pointed questions. More pointed language stating nicely Client’s inability to answer in a timely fashion has hampered Frump’s effectiveness and timeliness. Fump has printed all documentation out and has it at the ready for the inevitable, “But this isn’t what we asked for!” that is sure to come.

Do I know it will be rejected? Not for sure, but can’t you feel it, too? Can’t you see the “outs” Client has built into the contract in a vain attempt to keep his money and Frump’s work? Little does he know that minus the appropriate payment, he shan’t own that project at all. All work is going out to him with the “pay up or it’s mine until you do” disclaimer. For Frump has had her rump singed enough times to understand how to pre-empt ridiculously low behavior before it leaves her bankrupt.

And should this dear soul leave Frump penniless (minus that initial payment), Frump shall be more than happy to name names right here.

Keep watching, for the deadline approaches….

Maybe Next Time We’ll Work on Your Attitude

There comes a time in every writer’s career where despite the best efforts of the client to prove otherwise, the writer is still right. The current headache-inducing exchange has come from a fairly demanding soul who wants Frumpie to convince the world through words of his “team building and people management” prowess. Ah, dearies. We aren’t paid to lie, but there it is.

This particular problem came about after Frumpie submitted the first draft of client’s requested brochure work. It was as though the client suddenly became a volcano, for the spewing that ensued was violent and rather hot to the touch. In the interest of space, much of the 20 pages of the client’s information had to be condensed or worse, omitted. We are talking about a mere tri-fold brochure.

Did you know how dumb this Frump is? Apparently, she’s quite the idiotic little soul. For said client erupted like Vesuvius when he realized some of his experience and accomplishments were left behind. Oh dearies, you’d have thought Frumpie couldn’t string together two sentences. However, upon further review of client’s aforementioned upset, Frumpie found exactly six sentences which brought this man to his knees. Six things that weren’t included caused him to darken my skies and burn my feet. I asked said client if he’d prefer a longer brochure. Enter eruption number two, for he was in that mindset and hey, what with all that leftover lava, why not? Okay then, what about omitting something else to make this all fit into the required parameters? That’s when Frumpie realized that it’s best to simply step back and wait for the eruption to end.

I shan’t work with this person again. Oh, not because he’s wanting revisions, for I am all to happy to make a client happy. No dearies, it’s because he lives in the Kingdom of Overreaction, and if you all remember my mentioning this kingdom previously, it’s a place I’m not inclined to visit, much less hang around in.

Frump you, nasty old client. Perhaps your next brochure should be about anger management, for surely you’re going to convince us you’re the model of decorum.

Snark.

How Long Before We’re Efficient?

I’m keeping a silent tally, dearies. The big conglomerate of a few days ago has yet to notice I’m gone. My email outlining the reasons why I’m no longer part of their “pack” hasn’t been answered, nor has any indication that the work I do for them online ceased days ago reached them. I think what truly upset yours truly was the lack of communication and, dare I say it, the hinting by the company a few months back that they were in the process of “vigorously protecting” their enterprise. Little did I or anyone else who works for the clueless boobs know that the protection plan was going to involve not their wallets, but ours.

So, I shall count the days and wait for any indication that they no longer have Frumpie here to kick around. Though I suspect I’m not the only soul who’s run from their vigorous protectionist methods.

Deadline, Shmeadline

Forgive my spewing, for Frumpie’s feathers are  a bit ruffled at the moment. Remember the client from the BOP? Mr. Incommunicado? Funny how some things rarely change despite one’s best efforts to effect said change. I contacted him thrice for feedback and for instructions going forward. No response. Meanwhile, the deadline clock kept ticking.

Today, the answer arrived. Keep going on the project! Wee! Only … where’s that feedback I asked for two weeks ago? Still missing in action. So Frumpie here is pressing forward.

I must add right here I shan’t be meeting his deadline unless I reach it through the normal progression of my writing. In other words, I will not break my neck to reach the deadline. Two reasons for this: 1) he didn’t give me enough feedback or enough information on time, and 2) the deadline is arbitrary. That’s right. The work I’m completing for this clueless soul has been deemed unusable for the immediate future. I cannot describe further lest I reveal the client and the project, but know that all the work I’m doing right now will just sit for at least six months.

But I must meet the deadline? Why exactly? I did ask for an extension, and I explained why (sugar-coating his lack of communication), but he said, “Oh, just keep going and you’ll meet the deadline.” And if I don’t?

Before you ask, I’ve not received one ounce of feedback to my question on how to invoice and when to expect payment. I did send an invoice, complete with disclosure that payment not made within the mentioned deadline shall incur late fees, but I somehow get the impression this invoice won’t see the light of day.

Still, without proof I press on. I have a good contract. I have no provision that reduces my payment for work delivered late, so I will not sweat the deadline. I will, however, bill diligently and defend vigorously my rights.

Stay tuned, for I’m sure this little tale has yet to see a finale.

What Did You Say?

Don’t you enjoy communication that goes two ways? Wouldn’t you, like me, love that? Dearies, I have been writing for a particular client for well over a year and in my estimation, it’s about to end. Upon opening a particular utility I use for that client’s online work, I came upon a brand-new contract that cut both my workload and my payment in half. In order to go any further into the utility, I had to sign it electronically.

Color me p!$$ed off, for I had absolutely no communication with this particular client. Even though this is a large conglomerate employing countless writers, there’s no excuse whatsoever for not communicating this very important change in contract terms.

I have cancelled my contract and given them more than a little piece of my mind. Professionals don’t behave so shoddily, and I won’t work with people who treat their contractors like disposal beings.

Frump you, shoddy fools!

Beginning at the End

There are times when Frumpie here wonders exactly how executive types get a single thing done. Here’s my latest reason for wondering: Client wants the Big Old Project (BOP) completed within a month. Frumpie had received it in plenty of time, oh yes she did. She received it just a few days prior to the end of last year, giving her exactly 33 days and some change to get the BOP finished. Only this is Frumpie’s first encounter with Client and his ongoing projects, so she asked for feedback so as not to veer too far off the path. She asked a week ago, when she would have been able to amend quickly and lose precious little time.

Alas, Client has not seen fit to respond, despite his promise to do so upon my second prompting this week. Here we are four days after his intended response deadline and Frumpie has yet to get a word from him. Oh, if it weren’t for the sheer size of this project and the quickly diminishing timeframe in which to complete it, Frumpie wouldn’t be so, well, nervous.

However, Frumpie’s backup plan is to ask for an extension, and yes, Frumpie shall push for one if need be. See, the contract and subsequent letters and emails had indicated quite clearly that the fastest way to get a response was to send an email, the preferred method of communication (preferred by both of us). Since seven days have elapsed and silence has been lumped upon more silence, Frumpie has decided it’s Client’s dime. He is, of course, paying per hour. Should Frumpie have to regroup and rewrite, it can only benefit Frumpie to press forward with the assumption that no news is good news.

Some lessons must be taught through the checkbook, dearies.

MeMeMeMeMeMe Meme….

Singing voices all warmed up …

Dearest Irreverent Freelancer Kathy Kehrli has decided it’s time to tag this old Frump with a meme, which Frumpie hates more than lima beans, but has succumbed to it because of its subject matter.

The meme goes like so; post three writing tips that you’ve learned along the way, and then nominate 5 more bloggers to take up the meme.

Here are Frumpies Top Three Writing Tips as required by aforementioned meme rules:

1. Grow a Backbone. Yours is a business, and as a business you must operate. If terms are unacceptable, counter with professionalism and firm cordiality.

2. Don’t Work for People Who Don’t Respect You. It’s a fine thing to work for people who pay you, but if those same people treat you like a verbal punching bag or worse, argue or ignore your invoices until you threaten to sue, find work elsewhere.

3. Write Not What You Know, But What You’d Like to Learn.  Lori Widmer on Words on the Page once said it – the “write what you know” advice is all wrong. In no other profession is it possible to learn many different genres and interesting industries and markets. If you write what you know, you are terribly limited in what you can write, n’est pas? Suppose you live in remote North Dakota or the Yukon Territory. Would you be able to write about ocean cruises or watchmaking if all you have around you is wilderness? Wouldn’t you like to? Then ignore that stale old advice about writing only what you know. Live a little.

Now for the tagging. Alas, Frumpie has so many lovely friends that she cannot choose among them. So, I tag… you! All of you. Share your sage advice with the rest of our writing community and help us all to grow into stronger, more informed professionals.

A New Year for Frumping

Welcome to 2008, dearies! Grab a cocktail and settle in for another fun-filled year of freelancing! Frumpie here has made some pledges – resolutions, if you will – for the new year that is sure to give her plenty of fodder for this blog.

1. To Alert Chump Clients that They’re Being Chumps. Mind you, I shall remain quite professional, but I shan’t hold my tongue when it’s obvious the person is attempting a scam. I shall assert firmly my boundaries, both financial and working. No more clients who call after 9 p.m. No more clients expecting 24/7 access. No more clients wanting something for nothing.

2. To Seek Worthy Clients. Oh dearies, don’t we all get sucked in by clients who have such juicy projects but aren’t willing to pay us what we’re worth? And aren’t we silly for taking those jobs just because we need the money? No more of it! I shan’t allow myself to be used by people who indeed do have enough money to pay me what I’m worth. I shall seek out clients who have a history of paying professionals a fair wage.

3. To Laugh and Let Go.This blog is here to serve as a sounding board for Frumpie’s own sorrows, but also to serve as a reminder to others (my mother is so proud – my existence is that of a warning). I shall post here, laugh with you all over the ridiculousness of the situations, and I shall move on to more important things. Dwelling on asinine behavior is, well, asinine. It takes time away from deserving clients and projects.

4. To Stop Making Resolutions. Frumpie here doesn’t believe in resolutions. Instead I believe in making yourself a plan and sticking with it. That includes charting your progress to make sure your plan is working, and revising if you need to. To expect to make $1M this year is great, but if you don’t understand how you’re going to go about it, you’ve just wasted a lot of hot air and you’re going to feel like a colossal failure. Why on earth would you put yourself through that?

5. To Bring More Business into This Woman’s 9-t0-5. Brochures, mailing lists and cold calls are dirty words to freelancers who want to write and let the numbers take care of themselves. Alas, we must grow, dearies. In that regard, we must market our wares. Now is the time.